honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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