That's when you crack a 10am beer
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
