She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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