I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
