p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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