Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Michael Bay diarrhea
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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