:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
