Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
