i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
