She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
