pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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