just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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