Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
