he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
