I just threw up on my dentist
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
