Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm bleeding and have questions
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
