There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
