: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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