idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
