can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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