but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
