atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
