We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
