i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
