My first STD was from a foam party
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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