I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
