Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
