i think i have herpe
just one?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
