WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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