aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
