every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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