It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
