It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
