Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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