When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
