Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
