i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
