It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
