I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
