Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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