just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
