Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
