Where did you get a picture of my penis
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
