you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
