College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
