I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
