haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
