there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
