Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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