we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
