Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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