If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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