Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
