Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
